Cheating has become so normalised

I feel like anyone you ask about why their past relationship ended will tell you they got cheated on, or that things just weren't the same anymore. Sometimes I wonder if the latter is just a softer way of describing something they're not willing to admit.

Have we become so accustomed to infidelity that people have developed softer ways of describing it?

The word cheated gets thrown around like it means nothing. It's almost become an expected part of dating. I remember when I was younger, cheating seemed like the most scandalous, taboo situation imaginable. I'm talking about that dirty feeling you got whilst watching KANK, thinking, wtaf is going on?

Now, it's portrayed so casually that sometimes I wonder whether we've almost become desensitised to it. It's everywhere: in films, on social media, in conversations with friends and in the stories people tell about their previous relationships. We hear about it so often that it's almost lost its ability to shock us. Our brains are becoming wired to think that this is just how relationships work. It happens. People cheat. Relationships end. We move on.

And somewhere along the way, I think we've started confusing being realistic with lowering our expectations.

For the past couple of years, I've actually found myself telling myself that I just have to be okay with being cheated on in the future because it's practically inevitable. And honestly, that's really messed up. Why am I mentally preparing myself to accept something that I fundamentally disagree with? Why have other people's experiences become enough to make me anticipate disappointment in a relationship I haven't even entered?

I understand that no relationship comes with guarantees. You can never know exactly how another person will treat you, and unfortunately, being a good partner doesn't guarantee that you'll be treated well or the same in return. But surely there's a difference between understanding that betrayal is a possibility and actively preparing yourself to accept it. I don't think we should have to enter relationships with the expectation that someone will eventually give us a reason to leave.

The fact that we even need to ask for loyalty in a relationship is quite something. Isn't that supposed to be one of the foundations of being with someone? When you're in an exclusive relationship, you're choosing each other. You're making a decision to invest in one person, and surely that comes with an understanding of what you're both agreeing to. Why has something as fundamental as that started to feel like something we need to constantly remind people of?

I also find it quite strange how interconnected these experiences are. You leave one person because they cheated, only to eventually find yourself with someone else who does exactly the same thing. And it makes me wonder, does it ever stop? Do we just keep going from one relationship to another, hoping the next person will treat us differently, only to find ourselves dealing with the same betrayal all over again? It's almost like we're all just passing the same hurt around, with no real end in sight.

I don't want to become cynical about relationships or convince myself that loyalty is some unrealistic expectation. I don't think wanting someone to be faithful to you is asking for too much, nor should it be considered particularly difficult to understand.

Cheating is a choice. A terrible, selfish, cowardly, evil choice. And I don't think we should ever become so accustomed to it that we forget just how hurtful that choice can be.

Maybe I'm being idealistic, but I'd much rather hold onto my expectations than convince myself that I should lower them just because other people have failed to meet them.